you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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