dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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