I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
