16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
