doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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