This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
