i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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