Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
