During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
