im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
send nudes
from the living room?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
