if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
