yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
