I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
