420 ftw
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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