So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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