pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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