So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
