Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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