just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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