Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize