dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize