He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
