guys are not supposed to queef...right?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
