I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
