you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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