we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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