sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize