I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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