I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
