I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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