So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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