I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
