What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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