i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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