I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
