Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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