You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
