okay pat passed out under dana's car
from now on my penis is your penis
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
