god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
that is very illegal...i love you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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