Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
