i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
