omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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