remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All the doctor said was why
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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