pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
