She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
