just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize