omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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