you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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