He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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