He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
