yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
