every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
