you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
