I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
