Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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