Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
