he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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