there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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