Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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