He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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