i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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