the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
