Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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