Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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