I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
