tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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