it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize