i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
