i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
